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Video from a Book Signing - Hear the Author reading from the book! (Video for DSL or Hight Speed Connection FLASH VIDEO)
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Mail Tribune - March 08
THE D-WORD
Of all the mistakes a woman makes when facing a divorce, Janet Greek says one of the most common is not acting quickly enough.
"She goes into denial and is sure there must be some way to save the marriage," Greek says. "Meanwhile, he's cleaning out the bank."
The twice-divorced, former Hollywood director is the author of "The Divorce Planner: Self-Defense for Women When They Need It Most" (Turtle Press, $49.95 at Amazon.com and Bloomsbury Books). She says as a result of being asked for advice by women over the years, she developed the guidelines that became the book.
She says she aimed the book primarily at women because they are not as good at compartmentalizing as men, and they tend to go into shock when the D-word comes up.
"Everything seems hyper-real," she says. "You're not thinking clearly."
But she says men are buying the book, too.
"I could have called it 'Self-Defense for the Underdog,' " she says. "I had so much history with divorce, it seemed really critical to do this book."
Although she's written all her life, including seven movies, three movies for television and one TV series as a staff writer, it's her first book.
One section deals with domestic abuse. For this, Greek consulted with The Los Angeles Commission On Assaults Against Women.
Another section is about how to hire a lawyer. Greek sought the advice of lawyers around the country for this part. She advises to ask a lawyer how many cases he litigates per year. More than 10? Maybe he doesn't negotiate. Few or none? The opposite problem.
"That's true," says Claudette Yost, a Medford lawyer who has handled many divorces. "There are some attorneys who don't negotiate well. But you may have to go to court because the other side doesn't negotiate, too. And if an attorney draws it out, it ends up costing the client more money."
Three years out of college, Greek lost everything in a divorce that took her by surprise. She says her home, her business, even her dog, went to her first ex-husband. She fled to San Francisco, found her bank accounts cleaned out and briefly turned to panhandling before going back to school to earn a master's degree.
In the late 1980s, as a hot television director ("Babylon 5," "Melrose Place," "Xena: Warrior Princess," "L.A. Law," "St. Elsewhere") in Los Angeles, she faced another divorce at age 39. She was determined not to make the same mistakes. Yet she hired a lawyer who had drawn up a friend's prenuptial agreement, partly on the recommendation that he was "really nice." She not only lost her half of her community property but watched her film and television career go up in smoke as her influential ex bad-mouthed her around the industry.
She knows she would have done better if she hadn't been so stressed out. As the process unfolded, she found it hard to focus on gathering and organizing information. She couldn't recall the details, threats and promises, from conversations she'd had with her husband. She either couldn't remember what she needed to tell her lawyer, or she'd have the maddening feeling of knowing there was something she couldn't remember. She failed to take money questions to her accountant, or emotional issues to her therapist.
Studies have suggested that many men do well financially after a divorce, while women often sink below the poverty line.
"Women could avoid a lot of pitfalls if they realized marriage was a legal contract," Greek says.
Reach reporter Bill Varble at 776-4478 or e-mail bvarble@mailtribune.com.
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